Friday, August 6, 2010

Sick of it!

I am so sick of everything I do, everyday, being somehow tainted with grief and sadness. Even the happiest things.
I watched my son sing in his kindergarten choir and I cried.
I laughed at my little girl's antics and then in the next breath I feel like crying.
I am planning my wedding! I am happy, but always, somewhere, there is the knowledge that this wouldn't be happening if it was not for the loss of a great man.

Today I did a really great thing. I rearranged my wardrobe to make space for my soon-to-be husband. The wedding is getting that close. In 30 sleeps I don't have to sleep alone anymore. I am so excited!

But what sucks about grief is that these things also makes me sad. Sad, because it screams so loudly that Jouke isn't coming back.

And I hate that death has robbed me of joy even in the happiest of moments!!


AFM said...

ohh Ansia A big hug for the rough days. Gief is such a hard road to travel.
Take care

Talia said...

You don't know me, but I have been praying for you, and I am happy you are getting married!
The grief part is still sad. But I hope you have a great wedding day!