But that really dark grief I hate. The place where I struggle to function. I can do little more than take care of my children's basic needs. They know it and become needy and demanding in an attempt to bring me back. I see it, I know what is going on. I can't change it.
In that place I relive it all. I feel what I try so hard to run away from. I ache and cry and feel trapped in my own skin. My greatest enemy is my own thoughts and I struggle to turn them off or even down. The lump in the back of my throat that I constantly have to swallow past, threatens to, at any moment, reduce me to a ball of tears.
Not today, I pray. But the train is approaching with phenomenal speed. It cannot be stopped.
2 comments:
I came across your blog today as a blog I had put in my favorites some 12 months ago.
I am absolutley astounded by your faith and strength in the Lord at this hard time, I want to give you my encouragement and prayers. I know they really don't make anything easier but just felt like a wanted to let you know,
Keeping on keeping on one day at a time, rememeber the big plan,
Kind Thougths and Prayers,
Fiona
Fiona, I know it has been a while since you left a comment, but I just wanted to thank you for your prayers. We serve a real and loving God. He hears your prayers and He carries me when I cannot walk another step.
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