I think that is where I am right now. I thought that given that I now know how fleeting this life can be that I would be willing to forgive more, love more, excuse more. Instead, its the opposite.
I have my hackles up. All. the. time.
I feel like I have to stand up for my self. Fight for my kids. Explain myself. Defend, defend, defend!
Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't remember being this way 'before'. Sure, I got mad, had fights, but I never let things fester before. Didn't mind backing down.
Why do I feel so defensive? Why can't I let things go?
Grief is changing me.
Loosing Jouke has changed me.
I am praying that this is a stage, part of the process. I am praying the those I love and those I hurt will be patient with me. I am praying that instead of being hardened by this loss, I will be softened, humbled and be made useful.