Thursday, February 25, 2010


"When we win lotto..."

We used to dream and wonder what it would be like to be rich. Jouke had dreams of helping his family, going on fantastic camping (huh?) holidays and making sure we owned our own home. His dreams seem small, but to us they were huge. I mean, imagine owning your own home! Being debt free! Imagine...

We never once bought a lotto ticket.

Yet here I am knowing that, in a matter of weeks, I will own our house. I will be debt free.

Instead of being elated and relieved, it feels awful. I don't feel rich. I would give it all back in heartbeat. I would trade EVERYTHING for just another moment. For a chance to say goodbye.

Riches, it turns out, has got nothing to do with money. Riches, wealth, is not material. It's not stuff.

Instead, it is a house filled with laughter and fun.
It is being surrounded by people and noise and banter.
It is the dimple in a boy's cheek that makes him look exactly like his pappa.
It is chubby arms wrapped around your neck and warm snuggles early in the morning.
It is the sure knowledge and certain hope of eternity.

It is hearing a muffled "I love you" in your ear just as you are about to fall asleep.
It is the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat and his breath on your cheek.

1 comment:

Leah said...

I hope this is ok to ask (feel free not to answer if you don't want to), but what was the money from? Was it a workplace compensation payout type thing? Coz I was reading an article the other day about a woman whose husband died from melanoma due to his outdoors career (builder I believe) and she was fighting for workplace compensation, and it made me angry that she was going to get a payout for something I though her husband probably could have prevented better (hat, sunscreen etc) and you hadn't gotten anything (to my knowledge). I realise nobody knows the exact cirumstances surrounding Jouke's accident (or the aforementioned man's melanoma), but I felt like it wasn't fair.

I realise the money doesn't make up for anything, but I hope it at least eases some of your burden.