Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Still not over

I just got off a phone call from WorkCover. I get these 'update' phone calls every so often to tell me where the process is up to. Every time it's the same thing: the investigation is in progress. We still don't know what the final outcome will be.

Little does the person on the other end of the line know how much these calls upset me. Little does she know that she manages to shatter a perfectly fine day by reminding me, yet again that Jouke is dead and that I might yet have to face court to pin criminal charges on people that I consider friends.

Its the same way I am rattled by paperwork and banks and solicitors. Last week I filed paperwork to claim outstanding long service leave and for the first time in a long time, I had to write his name again. I was physically shaking by the end. The same way I was shaking after an appointment with the solicitor to update our wills. He was casually asking about what would happen should we die one day.

Like the one day, that came to soon.

I am terrified will come too soon again.

Death is messy, its ugly and it follows you. Even on sunny days, when all else is fine, it manages to rattle you to the core and remind you of the fragility of life.


Brad said...

I wish someone would tell WorkCover to just BUZZ OFF!!!!!!!!!

AFM said...

hugs for the rough days.

Leah said...

Wow. I hope it is resolved for you soon without the need for court proceedings. When my grandfather died things were not sorted for five years afterwards thanks to someone contesting his will. Fortunately my dad managed to avoid court. I hope it works out for you too.

Ansia said...

Oh Leah, if only it was a simple as the contesting of a will. Unfortunately, should this thing go where I am praying it doesn't, the people who Jouke worked for (who are also some of our closest friends) will be charged with his death. Not only does that result in the world of trouble for them, but it also means that then Jouke's death was not accidental. While it is accidental I am able to deal with it, I am able to cope knowing that nobody was to blame and that it really was just his "time". I don't even want to think what happens if fault can be found or what it would be like to sit through in the court listening to exactly how it happened and hearing from the men who where there trying to save his life.

Leah said...

Oh I understand it's not simple or similar! I just hope it doesn't drag out much longer and resolves without further complications, and avoids the whole court scenario.

naomi said...

Ansia I had no idea thing were still not finished and the circumstances were so complicated. I cant imagine how difficult this must be for you. I will continue to pray x